I was just reading the book and I found very interesting thoughts about love. I am definitely not an expert on this topic, however, I want to rise up the question.
"A man has to find a good woman, and when he finds her he has to win her love. Then he has to earn her respect. Then he has to cherish her trust. And then he has to, like, go on doing that for as long as they live. Until they both die. That's what it's all about. That's the most important thing in the world. That's what a man is, Yaar. A man is truly a man when he wins the love of a good woman, earns her respect, and keeps her trust. Until you do that, you're not a man.” ― Gregory David Roberts, "Shantaram", 2003.
I will start with the example from my personal life. And I'm pretty sure, if you read this, you might also have the similar experience. The main point is that this experience has two sides, and I tried on both "faces", both sides. I'm not saying it is good or bad, I am just rising a question, first of all to myself.
The situation when you are giving too much attention.
It was several times that I fell in love with the guys who never loved me, who never wanted to care about me, and never were interested in my life. It could be the most popular guy in the class, the most popular person in the community, the most handsome colleague. I usually felt the sympathy from the very beginning. They were confident, handsome, smart, sporty - all of that is hell attractive.
But you know what is going on after? I guess some of you know...You spent some nights crying that he didn't call you, didn't go with you to the important event, he didn't want to meet your family or friends... and bla..bla...bla.
I have read one article on the internet that women like to make excuses for such situations, like " he didn't have enough time, he just forgot, he lost his phone" and bla...bla...bla.
This article was written by a man. And he clarified WHY. The answer was very simple: "He's not that really interested in you". I hope I've learned the lesson.
And you know what? I think it is absolutely applicable another way around: when the guy falls in love with the woman who doesn't really interested in him. It happens, it is normal. Everyone has a right to make mistakes.
That was the first side. And sooner or later I understood that I don't want to be someone who is not loved.
Now... Another side, another face, when you ignore the person, when you are not giving him/her love. I think this side is way more complicated.
The situation when you are receiving too much attention.
Imagine that you are with someone who wants to make everything for you, who is reliable, who shares his/her life with you.
But you do NOT have same feelings. You find it more suitable to be friends, for example. Even if you understand that this person is very reliable and perfect for you, you remain cold to his/her feelings. One of my relatives said:"we have a friendship, we have some physical attractiveness, but there's NO LOVE". It hurts but it is true. You cannot force yourself to love, I agree but do not give up to find some admiration for another person, maybe it will come later.
I am trying to understand what is missing in this situation. Let's get back to quote of G.D.Roberts. I will refrase it a little bit:
Win the love, earn the respect, and cherish the trust.
In the situation when one gives too much to another, on my opinion, the SELF-RESPECT is missing. The person who continues "giving too much" (with the condition that another person is not ready to receive) is losing the respect to him/herself.
If the solution for the first example is more-or-less clear (you have to rise the RESPECT TO YOURSELF), then I do not know what to do with the second one. Where to find this balance, when you meet a good person, but you don't have feelings?
Have no idea yet...